I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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