I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want her autograph on my taint
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
