I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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