So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
