Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He felt like a one man threesome
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
