her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I could make wine with my vomit
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
