Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
