Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
