is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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