i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
