I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
