On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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