Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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