shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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