Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize