I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
