why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
