Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
