ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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