I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
