At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize