No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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