i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
