What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bring me that man meat
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