Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
