At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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