it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Did you just see the Batmobile???
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
