So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
