Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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