That's intense
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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