Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
