Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize