Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
