I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
