I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
