Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
