remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
