I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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