I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
