I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
