____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
