Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
