God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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