I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
