i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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