every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
