im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize