i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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