dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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