Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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