you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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