Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found a bag of teeth...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I touched a dick in church today
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