Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
