When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
