the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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