2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
