Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
