whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
