we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
