Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
