I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize