Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
