The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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