i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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