Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
