I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
as a side note pls kill me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
