Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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