I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
