yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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