just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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