Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
