DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
