We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
