he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
