I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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