No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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