Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
