she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
