In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'm really busy with my period
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