i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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