he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize