she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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