So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
