I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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