This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
