I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
