If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
