is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
