Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize