He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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