I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
