All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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