When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
