judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize