Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
