dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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