Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
