Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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