At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
