Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He passed out mid-signature
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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