You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
