I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
