im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
