I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
