I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
