let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
