You made me cry and you don't even care
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
