I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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