pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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