If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Damn victory sex feels great
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
