oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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