I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize